Extreme Self-Ownership

Extreme Self-Ownership. 

Who here likes to play the blame game? You know, that stinky game where nobody wins. I've been there myself.

I'd be happier if she'd do this. My life would be better if they hadn't done that. 

On and on it goes. Then, it goes on some more. The never ending game of blame. 

Just for today, let's all agree to undertake extreme self-ownership. No blaming. No rationalizing. 

Sound tough? It will be. However, if we're waiting for others to change, apologize, take responsibility, or become how we want them to be before we ourselves are willing to change, then we can be assured of the following: our lives won't change. True, our lives may change on the outside, but if the way we are handling things stays the same, then we are really experiencing more of the same thing, but in different outer circumstances.

I don't know about you, but I'd hate to be on my deathbed and think to myself, "Golly, Old Man Nic, you wanted to make more of your life, but you never took ownership over becoming the type of person who could make more of your life. You let yourself mistakenly believe that change wasn't possible. In reality, part of you knew change was possible, you were just afraid. What a shame, Old Man Nic." 

Want to go deeper into extreme self-ownership? Email
nicsaluppo@gmail.com for more info about the
Physiology: A Gateway Into the Soul workshop!

Extreme self-ownership is hard. There's no debating that. When compared with the alternative, however, which is waiting for others to change so our lives can be better or wishing for a different past so our lives can be better, self-ownership is the faster way to have a better life. 

In what major area do you need to take extreme self-ownership? 

For me, it's developing my creative work. My dream is to create writings that change lives for the better, and to facilitate long-term breakthrough experiences. The problem is that I have days where I am discouraged, and want to wait for someone to come along to "make" it happen for me. Maybe if my mom and dad raised me better, I'd be able to figure this out more easily, I think. Maybe if I didn't have this vocal cord problem, I could more quickly get this breakthrough project underway. 

These are both great ways to keep myself stuck. It's time for extreme self-ownership. I had a childhood wrought with fear, loneliness, and anger. GREAT. I can use that to relate to other people. I have a problem with my vocal cords, and my throat often feels as if there's a grape in it. Terrific! Other people have reasons why they feel held back in life, and I can use my throat problem to relate to them. Plus, fresh grapes anytime I want!

So, in what area are you going to undertake extreme self-ownership? Let me know by leaving a comment below!

Here's to growth, -Nic 

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Seething with Anger, I Punched the Door (A True Story)

Seething with anger, I punched the door...

Consider the question below: 

If a caring person came into your life, sat you down, and asked if you wanted to talk about your biggest problem or secret struggle, how would you respond?

Before continuing, allow me to quickly fill in the blank.

Father-Son Clashing

It was less than a year since I had moved back to my parents' house after graduating from Mount Union (shout out to all the Purple Raiders reading this). Having spent five years away (super senior!), I had changed as a person, and now understood that the relational tendencies often found in codependent, alcoholic family systems was harmful to those residing within that family. Growing up, I perceived these dynamics as normal. In light of this new understanding however, tons of anger began bubbling up, which I now recognize to be a natural initial result when shifting from ignorant naivete to a life of conscious awareness. Whenever a person within a unit- whether it be a family unit, company, or team- makes a significant shift, friction is guaranteed to occur. Friction most certainly did occur between my father and I, with years of repressed rage coming into the view of my conscious awareness.

Seething with anger, I punched the door during one particular argument between he and I. Being that this was seven years ago, I don't recall what the argument was specifically about; I simply remember a sensation of being overtaken by rage.

                                                          A Person Who Cared
A now long-time friend of mine, Danny Hammer, knew of the problems I was having relating to my father. He had gone through similar experiences, and ended up telling a mentor and friend of his, Dan Copan, about my situation. What happened next was life changing.

Danny Hammer had a Super Bowl party, and Dan Copan was there. Pulling me aside, Dan maintained an air of gentleness while straightforwardly saying, "Nic, have a seat," as he himself pulled a chair up. "I hear you're having some problems with your father. Do you want to talk about it?"

#LifeChangedForever

In the codependent, alcoholic family system I grew up in, I had learned that the best way to deal with problems was to not talk about them. Feeling sad? Hold it in. Have a problem with someone? Don't talk about it with that person. OR, if you do talk about it with that person, immediately commence shouting and blaming, sprinkled with some name calling.

Get in touch with your natural instincts and begin
traveling the path of life in the company of others.

I had no clue that men like Dan existed. Men who cared about and understood the complex, confusing circumstances of life, as opposed to the typical male formula of being concerned solely about the image they are presenting to the world. Until then, most of the men I had known were primarily into things like appearing macho, classy, important, popular, and superior to others, myself included. I of course now know this type of behavior to be a thick persona covering up pain, fear, and grief. Having largely deconstructed my own ways of covering up undesirable feelings, I now have compassion for men who behave with thick personas. Truly, such men are hurting children residing in adult bodies, in need of a "Dan Copan" to sit them down and ask them to talk, just as I needed. To be sure, I was ready for such an experience- nobody can force a man to talk if he isn't willing.

Quiet Desperation

Free yourself from internal captivity-
get connected with a trustworthy person today!

In 2016, seven years later, I'm regularly in touch with both Danny and Dan. These guys care about life in a deep way, giving time and energy to things like:

• being transformed from the inside out
• owning their behaviors and feelings, rather than blaming them on somebody else
• experiencing internal dynamics such as emotions, joy, pain, and connectedness
• relating their internal dynamics to others, rather than holding it in

In men's books, many an author has written of the quiet desperation most of the males in our culture suffer with. We wear the "I have my $&!% together" mask while quietly and painfully suffering on the inside.

The Question

If a "Dan Copan" came into your life, sat you down, and said, "[your name], I hear you're having some problems with [your biggest struggle/secret problem here]. Do you want to tell me about it?," what would be your response?

Here's to deciding to no longer live in quiet desperation.

With love, -Nic


PS- The way my father and I relate to one another has changed for the better. It's not perfect, but if we started seven years ago at -50 on a 0-100 scale, we are now at a 50. Major improvement! Purfect dusn't happin, but major improvements can most certainly take place in our lives. Were it not for Dan Copan taking the time to sit me down seven years ago, the relationship between my father and I would most certainly be at -150, because no positive momentum shift would have otherwise taken place.

*Codependency-
When we don't love and validate ourselves, we desperately seek love and validation from others, then become upset when we don't get it.

*Anger-
When a man begins the process of internal transformation, anger is often the first layer of emotion     he encounters. Many men stagnate at this place. Once the anger is released, he will encounter a layer of grief beneath the anger. One function of the anger is to hold grief at bay, as the thought of feeling grief can be tremendously frightening. 

*Repression-
the unconscious holding down of feelings, whereas suppression is the conscious holding down of feelings. (I've done lots of both in my life...how about you?)


_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
My workshop, Physiology: A Gateway Into the Soul, is on May 14th from 11am-4pm. Save with early bird registration, which ends on April 30th! Email nicsaluppo@gmail.com for details.

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You'll also like:

We've All Been Knocked Down: Here's to Getting Back Up if life has knocked you down.

Meaning, Money, Living, and Life-Altering Questions if you're looking to live life from a place of deep purpose and meaning.

Weight Loss if you're struggling with your weight, or another self-image related issue.

Weight Loss

"Have you ever struggled with your weight?" 

That's a question I'm asked from time to time. This is understandable, because people want to know that the fitness expert they're working with understands what they're going through. 

As an example of the negative side of the coin, I once scheduled an appointment with the top-rated vocal cord doctor within a certain hospital system. He quickly shoved a wire into the vocal cords, told me he didn't see anything, and sent me on my way. From my perspective, I had been dealing with a throat problem that had unfavorably altered my life for the last four years, and here I was finally meeting with someone who could set me in the right direction.10 minutes later, I bitterly realized I was no further along after seeing this doctor. He understood medical procedures, but he did not get me as a human being.

For your viewing pleasure.

To answer the above question, I have never struggled with my weight. However, I know what it's like to feel self-hatred, frustration, depression, shame, embarrassment, and anxiety about a part of myself, namely, my throat and voice. As a fitness expert, I both understand the physiological processes involved in weight loss as well as the ways people who are struggling with their weight may feel on the inside. I don't claim to know specifically how it is to struggle with weight in a physical-experience sense, but I do most certainly claim to have understanding and experience with the underlying feelings that go along with that struggle. 

I Bet You Know These Weight Loss Strategies

I've said this over and over, and the people I've worked with have confirmed it: Knowing how to lose weight isn't the issue; it's taking consistent, regular action that poses the biggest problem. Most people know the following: 

• Eat tons of vegetables. The darker the better.
• Perform 20 minutes of cardio 4-6 days per week, increasing the intensity as able
• Perform resistance training with proper form 2-3 days per week
• Eat lots of unsaturated fats
• Drink enough water so as to cause a debate in your mind whether your urine is clear, or ever so slightly yellow-tinted
• When you hit a plateau, adjust your food intake and exercise program. What worked for the first five pounds won't necessarily work for the next five 
• Do all of the above steadily and persistently- a month on and a month off will not yield results. 

The Deeper Issue

I would be hard pressed to find someone who isn't aware of the above concepts. The problem, therefore, is not a lack of knowing what to do, but the internal dynamics that take us off the path. For example: 

• I feel terrible today, inside and out, so I'm going to eat the rest of those cookies. 
• I feel lonely and don't want to exercise alone, further confirming my aloneness. 
• I'm so busy that it would be wrong to make my health a priority. 
• I'm essentially making no progress, so why not skip today? 
• I would feel better if I ate [fill in your food of choice]. 
• I feel so utterly unmotivated, I can't continue on the path. 

Those are just a few examples of the struggles which arise when attempting to lose weight. Feel free to share your own by commenting below. The point here is that there is much more to the situation than simply knowing what to do. Along the way, emotions will rise up in us like a volcanic eruption; feelings you've worked hard to conceal. This makes the choice to move forward much harder: Face the feelings that are spouting up in order to stay on the path, or hold the feelings down at the expense of getting off the path?

I used to fantasize about getting away from it all and living in a place

like this. Today, such a place seems better suited as a vacation spot.

Admittedly, it's a hard decision. When starting out as a personal trainer, there were days when I chose to cancel training sessions because I didn't want to go through the experience of facing the pain that was coming up for me. It was easier to cancel and go home, which kept the feelings far enough out of my awareness that I didn't need to face them squarely.

A personal trainer friend of mine, Chelsea Boytim, has this to say about her own weight loss journey:

"People think because they fall off track, they've failed. They think since they ate bad today, they'll just continue and maybe they won't ever lose that weight that they want to...

Before beginning my weight loss journey in 2009, I fell off track countless times. I'd eat good for two days and reward myself with McDonalds after work.

I can tell you I went through some crappy things in 2012 and gained all my weight back... AGAIN. It took me months to get myself motivated to start this journey again. To all of you who say "she doesn't get it, she's not overweight"... I do get it.

I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I just wish you knew where I was coming from, you've never been overweight, you don't understand how uncomfortable I am, how unhappy I am"...

I remember being that unhappy girl, being uncomfortable in my own skin.. Having guys pick on me for being ugly and fat, and they picked on my high school boyfriend for "dating the ugliest girl"... yeah, I've been there.

This is why I changed my degree from Graphic Design/Photography to Exercise Physiology - I want to help people find their confidence, their happiness.

I truly LOVE what I do. If you feel stuck or lost- please don't hesitate to inbox me on Facebook: Chelsea Boytim."  smile emoticd love to help you any way that I can."❤

Presently, there are still days when the urge to leave strikes. Between the tightness in my throat, the struggle to speak, and the feelings of frustration, I want to alleviate the internal pain by going away and being alone. No more struggle...at least, not for that day. But tomorrow lurks. I've decided to no longer let tomorrow lurk, allowing thoughts of tomorrow destroy my present experience of life. Instead, I deal with the frustration as it arises rather than run from it, freeing me to live in the moment rather than fearing tomorrow. 

The Physiology: A Gateway Into the Soul workshop is on May 14th,
11:00am-4:00pm. You'll have the opportunity to cross that bridge and
 finally face the internal dynamics that are holding you back from your
goals, freeing yourself to live in the moment.
Email nicsaluppo@gmail.com for details.

If you're struggling to stay on course with your weight loss process, my encouragement to you is to face the frustration, depression, sadness, anxiety, shame, fear, embarrassment, anger, and rage as it arises. Don't shove it back down and leave yourself in a state of fearing the next day. Face it as it arises, giving yourself the freedom to live life freely in the here and now.  

With love, -Nic



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This is the most popular InspirationRushNow blog entry: 

We've All Been Knocked Down: Here's to Getting Back Up

Life is short. Need some motivation to rev things up right away? This blog entry will help.

What are Your Gifts?

What are your gifts?

For me, it's sharing life-enhancing concepts through writing.

In the sixth grade, my teacher made a suggestion on a paper I had written. He wrote: "Nic, rather than using the phrase 'all of a sudden,' use the word, 'suddenly.'"

Click.

Light bulb.

Thanks, Mr. Hall!

A rushing wave of excitement came over me because I had been introduced to the endless possibilities writing had in store for those who would engage with it.

Words can be manipulated on paper in order to express ideas uniquely, clearly and concisely. My 12 year old self thought this was so awesome! I was hooked. From that time and on, I did well with writing, and even better in college.

Upon graduating from Mount Union, I stopped writing. Got into the world of cultural norms and attempted to mold myself into someone who would be accepted by society at large. Blah.

Although it has nothing to do with the subject matter,
here's a nice picture of snow, pine trees, and mountains.

Having been a super senior (a term for special people who need five years to attain a bachelor's degree), I graduated at the age of 23, and did not pick up writing again until the age of 28. When writing, I experience an internal sense of a gift being used and developed. My wrighting dusn't haf to be purfict (although it should be better than that phrase). Using our gifts and passions is not about perfection. It's about the sense of satisfaction we get in knowing that we are using and developing our unique interests and abilities. Many of us choose to forgo our gifts and passions, letting that piece of ourselves die a slow death. I know I did.

I didn't write for five years. During that five year period I often had an internal sense that I was wasting a fountain of joy built into me by my Creator. Thankfully, the fountain never went dry- it's never too late to pick our gifts and passions back up again, dust 'em off, and begin expressing this precious piece of ourselves once again.

If the gifts and passions you have are your gifts and passions, then they are part of you. Part of your heart, mind, and soul. The choice we have is to let those parts of us die, or to begin finding satisfaction in knowing we aren't wasting our gifts, and finding joy in the process of engaging them. Zero people may read this blog, and that's okay with me. Foundationally,  satisfaction doesn't come from the number of people who read my blog, rather, it comes from knowing I've expressed the gift residing within my heart.

Wayne Dyer once wrote a book entitled Don't Die with Your Music Still in You. Don't even read the book- just do what the title suggests.

A friend and coworker of mine who will remain nameless (this person will certainly know I'm referring to them!), is a spectacular public speaker. She can make a crowd interested in plain white chalk if she wanted to. You see, it's not about the specific words that come out of her mouth, it's about the way in which she expresses the words. She radiates enthusiasm and excitement when in front of a crowd. My observation is that it's the crowd that brings out her passion, not the specific subject matter. Just the same, it's the keyboard, blank page, and endless possibilities surrounding the process of putting ideas into words that brings out my passion in writing; not necessarily the subject matter. I choose to express thoughts about subject matters I close to my heart, but the love of writing is why I write about these subjects instead of painting, drawing, or singing about them.

I'd absolutely love to hear what your gifts and passions are, and how you'd like to begin using and further developing them. Take a moment to share what is boiling in your heart by leaving a comment below.

-Nic

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Meaning, Money, Living, and Life-Altering Questions

In his book START., Jon Acuff presents two poignant questions:

1. If I died today, what would I regret not being able to do?

2. Are these the things I'm spending time doing right now?

One of my training clients is in his sixties, and has been reflecting over his life. Being the wisdom junkie that I am, I asked him to tell me how he would live life differently if he could do it over. What experiential wisdom would he share with me, a young man in my thirties? His answer was that he wouldn't have chased money as vehemently. Instead, he would have been a craftsman, spent more time with his family, and created art work that was meaningful to him. Now, he isn't at immediate risk of death, but he is feeling the weightiness of time and energy spent on things that he now views as rather unimportant: luxury cars, high paying CEO positions, spectacular looking suits, and 70 hour work weeks.

Here is a random, yet very cool, picture of an iguana.

In the everyday busyness of life, we don't always comprehend the fact that this, right now, is our life. It won't end 1000 years from now, giving us loads of time. It will end 40, 30, or 20 years from now, give or take a couple of decades. So, what is it your soul is longing to express? Are you spending time on that very thing?

For me, it's the ideas I have within me. Over the last several years, I've attended more personal growth meetings, retreats, workshops, and weekends than I can count, and have read a library's worth of "be your best self" books. I've transformed from a judgmental Christian into a simple follower of Jesus. I've gone from hardly being able to function at work due to throat issues to developing close relationships with an array of clients. I've gone from avoiding facing my pain squarely, looking it in the eye, to someone who is utterly honest about my experience of life. A transformation such as this is no small potato experience. Millions of people live an entire life without making a shift. I long to express and share my experience of growth with others, making authentic connections along the way. What's the "thing" you long to do? How would you describe the piece of your heart and soul you long to express, but has been drowned out by the busyness of life?

Take heart, be courageous, and begin to express the longing within you!

With love, -Nic

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Attend my five hour workshop on May 14th, and you'll have the chance to deeply explore these questions with others who are on the journey. Email nicsaluppo@gmail.com.

Find What Makes Your Heart Come Alive

Please welcome guest writer Joshua Faltot. He's a fellow University of Mount Union graduate, professional writer (click here to view his books), and recently became a father. Today, he offers us inspiring words about reigniting the life within our hearts. This is such a timely piece, as so many of us have let the fire for life, which at one time burned so strongly, suffocate and extinguish. Here's to finding what makes your heart burn with aliveness!

Joshua and his wife

I love being comfortable (and who doesn’t, really?). Mainly because “comfort” often gets associated with so many desirable things: steady income, good relationships, and even living space. The need for comfort drives people to find personal happiness. Do this so you might be rewarded with that. Happiness is always on our agenda.

But, what’s the price for constant comfort anyway? Here are some thoughts on that:

When I got out of college, I wanted to be as comfortable as possible. Have a good job, see my friends, and eventually find a lucky lady to call my own. Because that’s what my version of comfort looked like: little to no adversity. So when I took my first job - an insurance analyst - I knew this job would help me get closer to that goal. Decent pay with decent hours equaled a decent living. Again, trying my best to be “comfortable.”

However, being an insurance analyst was probably last on my list of jobs-I’d-like-to-have-after-graduation. And yet, six years later I found myself doing the same thing. All for the sake of being comfortable. But, then it happened: I felt something taking over me. All of my comforts started to feel...well, boring.

But, why? What was boring about getting what I wanted? Then an epiphany hit me, like a lightning bolt straight to my heart. I didn’t feel alive. I wasn’t being tested; wasn’t being challenged. I wasn’t facing adversity. That was the difference. The one thing I thought I didn't need was what I needed all along.

So, here’s the deal: comfortable can feel great, but it won’t last forever. Ultimately, it’s a stagnant place in time. It’s like digging a hole and standing in it. Eventually you’ll want out, even if it’s comfortable down there. But, the climb might seem daunting. Too high. Too rocky. Too difficult. But, you have to. Why? Because you already know what it’s like in the hole. Why not climb out and see what the surface looks like? 

I say all this because when I finally decided to face adversity, I became a writer. And for me, that was the right choice. Now, I write to inspire and entertain people. For others, it could be taking up a new hobby. A change in scenery. Or maybe a single trip you’ve always wanted to make. The possibilities are endless. But, what matters most is that you find what makes your heart come alive. That’s the key. That’s the reward for being comfortably uncomfortable the rest of your days.

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We've All Been Knocked Down: Here's to Getting Back Up

The theme of the Rocky Balboa movies is this: No matter how many times you get knocked down, get back up again. It's time to Rockergize our lives (that's "Rocky" plus "energize"!).

Everyone gets knocked down by life. I used to think the key to life was to never get knocked down. Living from this standpoint results in avoiding, rather than embracing, uncomfortable situations. Today, I know that the secret lies not in the avoidance of getting knocked down, rather, in the ability to get back up. We can all train ourselves to get back up more and more quickly.

A quick bit about me: I have a rare vocal cord issue called Abductor Spasmodic Dysphonia. Briefly, once they open, my vocal cords do not easily close again. The result is "breathy," "growling," and strained vocalizations. I first noticed the symptoms of this issue around the age of 18, and the symptoms grew (primarily due to my inability to deal with stress in a productive way at that age). By 19, the issue of speech was a daily consternation. 

When first dealing with this issue, I got knocked down a lot. I would be down for over a month at a time before regaining the strength to get back up and face the world again. Now, jump ahead to present day. I still get knocked down. There are days when, by the end of  a full day working with clients, I am utterly exhausted from the effort it takes to speak. However, as I employ the skills listed below, I find that the days of exhaustion are becoming a rarity, and positive, energetic days are becoming the norm. The benefit of these skills is twofold. First, you'll develop confidence in your ability to get back up, and second, the things that used to knock you down will no longer knock you down. Don't get me wrong, we'll still get knocked down, but, we'll be happy to find that it takes more and more to do so.

Here are the specific skills I use in order to regain myself after being knocked down: 

Releasing the Frustration: A punching bag, slam ball, or a tennis racket on a cushion are all great tools. Ideally, we prevent frustration from developing at all (see the skills listed below). However, if we do feel frustration, it must be released from the body. The other option is to ignore it. This makes us a ticking time  bomb. Releasing the bodily sensation of frustration ensures the diffusion of the bomb (we'll learn what science has to say about this concept at my upcoming workshop in May).

Giving Thanks: I can shift myself out of a downward spiral in seconds by giving thanks. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you...for the fact that I have plenty of food. A warm bed. Money to buy the things I need. Clothes. Work. The ability to walk, breathe, see.. Hear. Joke. Play. Connect with friends. Family. A car. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Have the awareness to employ this method quickly enough, and frustration cannot develop.

Sitting in Silence: Frustration is exacerbated by over active brain waves. Sitting in silence while breathing in a calm manner slows down the brain waves that keep the cycle of frustration going. I like to imagine the skin, bones, muscles, and organs of my entire body melting into utter relaxation, starting at the top of the skull and running all the way down to the bottom of the feet. Ahhh, slower brain waves. I typically employ this three times a day, as this prevents frustration from reaching a critical mass. 

Writing in a Journal: A great way to build positive energy. A large bank of positive energy acts as a cushion to the soul. That is, the arrows of frustration may fly, but they hit the softness of the thick cushion and fall quietly to the ground, incapacitated. In order to build the positive energy cushion, it's important to journal about things such as: If there were a greater purpose for my problem, what would it be? What can I do for humanity that wouldn't otherwise get done were I not here? What is my mission? The key here is that meaning is what creates the positive energy cushion. 

Talking with Someone: As a man, this was a hard skill to develop. I spent many years suffering in silence during my early twenties. The message I learned growing up was that a real man keeps his problems to himself. It's better to suffer in silence than to talk with someone about your problems. 

Note: Talking about your problems is different than venting or complaining. Talking about your problems looks like this: I'm feeling this way. I'm having this thought. My experience of what's happening is this. Contrast that with complaining or venting: He said this. She did that. She's a bleep. He's a $%^@. Talking about our problems breeds healing. Venting or complaining compounds our frustration. 

So, dear reader, what skill can you implement today in order to more quickly get back up after being knocked down? I see people get knocked down every day by health problems, getting off track from wellness routines, work related stress, relationship related stress, injuries, and a host of other issues. We will get knocked down. However, as we develop skills involved in getting back up, we'll find that the fear of getting knocked down ain't so big and bad. I used to dread a full day of working with people because of the difficulties I have with my vocal cords. Now? My focus no longer lies on dread, rather, it lies at the point of my confidence in my ability to get back up.

Here's to Rockergizing our lives (I know, the word "Rockergize is not corny whatsoever), -Nic

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